At the start of dating a new man, it’s natural to be curious about who he is and the experiences he’s had. You ask him about his family and friends. You may inquire about his travels, his college years, and his job. However, it’s not a good idea to ask a guy about his“number”. Here’s why…
Let’s be real here. The purpose of you knowing his number is to gauge how “good” of a guy he is. If his number is low by your standards, you assume he takes sex seriously and is respectful of women. This preconceived notion, however, is wrong. Whatever his number is, it is not indicative of whether he is a “bad” guy or a “good” guy. If he has been single for a long time, chances are, he has had his fair share of sexual experiences. And there’s also a slight chance that he hasn’t. Either way, who are you to judge?
Whatever path he was on, it lead him to you. Now that you are the girl he is dating, the one who has his interest, why would you bother yourself with knowing the semantics of his past?
Moreover, his past has ultimately shaped who he is—and that’s a good thing. I’d even argue that some degree of dating, relationship, and sexual experience is a plus. I am not saying that it is ideal to date a guy who has slept around carelessly! However, the guy who has had a decent amount of experience with the opposite sex knows what he wants and what he absolutely does NOT want. If you feel that he is sincere and trustworthy, that’s all you need to move forward.
Most guys’ numbers include a solid mixture of girls they’ve dated, girlfriends, flings, and one-nighters. Some they cared about, some they didn’t. Some made for a good story, and most they’ll never speak to again.
There are also other factors to consider in terms of his number. Has he been single? If so, for how long? How old is he? When did he lose his virginity? Has he dated various girls that you are aware of? Is he a ladies’ man or more of a guy’s guy? Did he ever have a wild or experimental stage? (hint hint: COLLEGE!!!)
All these components will play a role in how many girls he has been with. Whether it’s low or high, his number doesn’t make him better or worse than any other guy. Every person is different and therefore will have unique experiences.
Furthermore, when you ask this question, he’ll most likely feel as if he’s being judged. He may even lie—not because he is a bad person, but because he wants to win your approval and a high number could prevent that from happening! If you ask early on in the relationship, he might fear that this information will negatively impact the way you see him.
And he would be right. You will think about the other girls he has been with and it will bother you. It may even become a hurdle in getting to know him and might prevent you from having a really awesome relationship.
Steering clear of this conversation shows that you are secure, mature and respectful. Do you want him asking you about your past? Probably not, even if you are completely at ease with it, so maybe it’s best not to ask him the details of his. Even if you think you really want to know…trust me, you don’t.
In new relationships, it’s important to remember the past has passed! Be smart, mature and confident. Enjoy where you are with him right now.
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